I feel like crap.. :(

I've been dragging my feet from blogging. My thoughts are consumed with how upset I am and the way I feel about how people treat me.. And I hate unhappy posts. They make me all unhappy all over again when I read them again.

Someone close to me told me that I could not accept her for the way that she is. That.Is.So.Not.True. I don't know how to make her see it. I just wished she didn't wrong me so.. I feel like my mum sometimes... "do not do this.. do not do that.." I hate it whenever my mum bosses me around and I tend to shut her off most of the time. =X But ultimately, she is well-intentioned.

In this world.. The real one.. Perception is everything. You may be the nicest person around deep down inside, but if you say the wrong words, behave inappropriately, people would treat you the way they perceive you to be.

When your mum tells you not to do something, it is because such actions would have negative repercussions. She just wants to help you avoid such situations.. And even if you insist on doing these stupid things, even out of pure spite, doesn't she still love you and still be there for you? Does she still accept you for who you are?

Yes I think my mum does.. I'm still her daughter. She still buys me presents for Christmas, she still makes sure there is food for me, and that the maid washes my clothes (you get my drift :P).

When my mum gets too annoying, sometimes I just wish she'd go away and bother somebody else. So there. I have a solution to this problem. (:



And then there's yet another issue that has been bothering me. =/ My so-called friends, aren't really my friends. (what's new?)

Am I not worthy of true friendship? Why do my 'friends' call me names behind my back? Why do my 'friends' judge me without a trial? Why do my 'friends' choose to believe what others say behind my back instead of clarifying matters with me? Why do my 'friends' lie to me repeatedly?

This culmination of betrayal just sucks big time.

I cannot behave as I would like to behave. I cannot smile because I never know when you're going to stab me in the back. I cannot even resolve things between us because you're not going to tell me what's wrong.

I don't do things with this evil end goal in mind.. That have made you upset with me. I have done it unwittingly, and my 'friends' cannot see my heart for how true it is and believe me to be ill-intentioned.

This is just one of those days I want to go SCREW YOU.



sigh I know I'm going to regret this later