It can only be described as childish.. when we behave a certain way to spite someone for hurting us.. when we know that another course of action would be far more magnanimous, and yet we cannot bring ourselves to do so. You just want to retaliate and hit back.. hitting and hitting.. until you know the 'opponent' is just as injured (and maybe more), as you are before you feel satisfied that justice is done.
But that doesn't make the issue go away does it? It only exacerbates the pain and guilt for your own petty actions.
When all is said and done, you just wish that you can look beyond all the pettiness and appreciate all the things that had happened before ugliness set in. You wish that there was no need for others to take sides and acquire new enemies who have judged and condemned you without even giving you a trial.
Am I be resentful? I was asked..
No. I'm not.
I hate the situation. I hate the circumstances. I hate how this whole issue tears me up inside and fills my every waking moment.. But I understand it is inevitable. It was going to happen one way or another. And people do not intuitively think that there are two sides to a coin. What they see is sufficient for them to build an impression. Whether it's fair or not, people are not perceptive by half to realise how this simple action affects another. And I don't resent them for it. Maybe even.. their judgment is warranted.
Why now? I was asked again..
then when?
Next year? 5 years down the road?? How about one bloody year ago?! I mean timing is not an issue here. Why I am I even being blamed for the timing? >.<
Sighh.. After this I will have no more right to scold anybody emoboydotcom. At this rate I'm going, I'm definitely going to be queen of emo.. one more to add to my long list of unfavourable characteristics. >.<
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